In The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, University professor of Psychology Sonja Lyubomirsky cites research about happiness. There are, she writes, three things that influence happiness: genetics, circumstances and our own behavior:
“Set Point” refers to the genetic tendencies of each person. Studies find that our “baseline” for happiness is influenced by biology. Just as our physical weight is conditioned by genetics, so is happiness. Some people have to work very hard to stay fit. Others don’t. It’s the same with happiness.
“Circumstances” refers to the wide range of things that we think should produce happiness: financial well being, career success, marital status, health, etc. Stunningly, research finds that these only account for about 10% of our happiness. That is, joy is not profoundly determined by our life circumstances.
“Intentional activity” is the other big surprise. Research finds that there are ways of thinking and behaving that can raise happiness consistently above any genetic baseline we may have and independent of any life circumstances we may have. That is, there is much we can control regarding happiness. We are not left to the whim of our genes or our circumstances. There are intentional things we can do that create joy and satisfaction regardless of where we find ourselves.
And this, I believe, is one of the great realities of the Christian faith. As Paul states in his prayer in Ephesians 3, it is possible for us to experience life rooted and grounded in love. That is, divine love can be the soil we find ourselves planted in, regardless of genetics or circumstances. Divine love can be the foundation we are fixed to, regardless of genetics or circumstances. One translation puts it this way:
May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love (Eph. 3:17 TLB)
Another puts it this way:
And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love (Eph. 3:17 MSG)
There are intentional ways of thinking and ways of living that allow us to send roots deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love; that allow us to have both feet planted firmly on love.
In this series, I’ll share some practices that enable us to do this.
One is simply called “Resting in God’s Loving Gaze.”
Many of us find ourselves regularly resting in lots of negative things others say about us, and we say about ourselves. Being rooted and grounded in love means learning to rest in what God says about us. Henri Nouwen writes this: (Life of the Beloved)
The world tells you many lies about who you are, and you simply have to be realistic enough to remind yourself of this. Every time you feel hurt, offended, or rejected, you have to dare to say to yourself: ‘These feelings, strong as they may be, are not telling me the truth about myself. The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God’s eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity, and held safe in an everlasting belief.
Lauren Dagle sings about this in her song, “You Say”:
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe, oh I believe
What You say of me
I believe (Lauren Dagle)
Being rooted and grounded in love means intentionally listening to what God says. Again, Henri Nouwen (Life of the Beloved):
“...the real work of prayer is to become silent and listen to the voice that says good things about me. To gently push aside and silence the many voices that question my goodness and to trust that I will hear the voice of blessing– that demands real effort. ” (Henri Nouwen)
How do we do this? Hundreds of years ago, a Christian named Ignatius wrote instructions for prayer. Ignatius founded the Jesuits–a Christian group committed both to action in the community and contemplative practices that nurture the soul. In his instructions, called Spiritual Exercises, Ignatius gave this advice:
“A step or two before the place where I am to contemplate or meditate, I will stand for the space of an Our Father and, with my consciousness raised on high, consider how the Lord my God looks upon me. Then I will make an act of reverence or humility” (Spiritual Exercises, #75).
The language may sound a bit old-fashioned, but here’s his basic counsel: Before you pray, consider God’s gaze. That is, your first step in prayer should not be to say something. Your first step should be to imagine something. Imagine God looking upon you. And how is God looking upon you? With grace. With love. Love founded purely in who you are not in anything you do or do not do. It’s the gaze of a Father to a child.
Here’s a contemporary author with a similar perspective (Paul Ford, Companion to Narnia, 350):
“In prayer we allow ourselves to be known as persons before God. In prayer we unveil before God. We learn, first, to tolerate and then to welcome God’s loving gaze and touch…”
In prayer we unveil–we remove all of those other things we have said or others have said that define us. And we at first tolerate, and then truly welcome, God’s loving gaze.
So, a practical step is to follow this rule: before you pray, consider God’s gaze. Take a few moments each time you pray to pause and imagine God gazing at you–a gaze of deep love, a gaze of grace. Rest in his long and loving gaze.
This is one way of rooting and grounding yourself in love.
